I was in a good mood this morning. I'm not really sure why, I just was... And then I was in an even better mood when Katie gave me my birthday present. (The main bit was a 2011 Michael Bublé Calendar. I.Love.It.A.Lot.) And then during my last lesson of the day, Spanish, we got our mock papers back... And boom. Shit mood. Day ruined.
Okay, so I knew i'd done awful. I'd barely tried, because I sort of went into panic mode and my brain switched off. But that's not an excuse. I got a D, two marks off a C. But there was a few people in the class who I like to think i'm of the same ability as, and they did far better than me. So i'm really disappointed with myself. Ugh. It's just made me feel awful about myself :( More than that it scares me. I always knew I wasn't good enough for any of it. I always feel like I fluke things. Like i'm not actually smart, and I don't deserve any of it. It sucks. I used to feel like a fony, and now I guess the truth has been uncovered. I can't actually do any of it. I could hide it before, but now those days are over and I don't know what to do. So the good feeling that yesterday's result gave me in history has now been erased by a feeling of insecurity low self-esteem. Such is the story of my life I guess.
RIGHT. STOP. THIS IS NO GOOD. I'LL FORGET IT. MOVE ON. DO BETTER. RIGHT. THATS THE WAY. BOOM.
byeeeeeeeeeeeee
how wonderful life is now you're in the world...
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