this was supposed to be a happy generic post. but then i started typing what i was really feeling and it got a bit out of hand,

I really miss my Grampa.
Since he died i've tried not to think about it. I feel like if I let myself think over it, i'm going to have a break down. If i'm honest I don't think I can cope with it yet- i'm not ready to come to terms with it. Tomorrow it'll be exactly two months. Two months. It's gone so quick. I hate feeling like this. I hate the way death can take someone from you. The idea of never seeing someone again is too immense.
  It's not like I don't have experience with this sort of thing. Not that many people know about Daniel. And the ones who do... well I don't really think they understand what it's like to miss someone so badly, even though you were a baby when they died? All I have is the stories off my parents. The photos of us. And i'm left with wondering what my life would be like if Daniel hadn't died. How different would it be? I'd have another big brother. I feel empty when I think about it. Although there's a part of me that always feels empty. I'm just left with this longing for someone who I never got to share moments with. My big brother was taken away from me when he was only little. He was six. It isn't fucking fair. Now i've started crying and it always ends up like this. I keep it bottled up until I can't anymore. But I can't talk to anyone about it because who the hell wants to be depressed by thoughts like this? It's bad enough that I have to live with it but I can't exactly make someone else share it.
  I just feel cheated. I never got to know him. He didn't deserve to die.
What did my family do to deserve this? Why us? Why anyone?
I could never, ever believe in God for this very reason. Nobody should have to suffer like this. A six year old boy doesn't deserve suffering. My brother didn't deserve to go through so much pain and suffering and neither did my family and now all that's left is misery and sadness and pain and I just want it to stop. The more I think about this the more upset I get.
 I'm rambling but I don't care. None of this made sense but life doesn't either and nobody is reading this but me so screw you good english and punctuation.